That I May Fly

If success is how high you bounce
When you’ve hit the bottom low
Then lately I must be a ball
Made completely of cement.
Or maybe of heavy glass
That shatters as it meets the floor.
Instead of bouncing back,
I crash with a thud
And am scattered about,
Unable to find all the pieces.
I fall to my knees and
I scramble about
To gather what remains of my life
But like sand, it shifts and slips
Right through my fingers
And into a sea of my tears
But how do you separate
Fragments of the life that you love
From a watery grave of sadness
Anxiety, hardship, and grief.
I hate that all I ever give you to see
Is the weakness in me
You see me stumble and tumble
Through this hustle and bustle
And yet you claim to see more
Every day I search for even a sliver
Of what you believe to see in me
But without eyes to see myself,
I know only of the cracks in my heart
And the formidable fear in my chest
If courage is how steady you stand
In the face of turbulent hurricane winds
Then I must be a fallen leaf, tumbling
End over end, at the hands of a storm
I’m not majestic or sturdy, not a
Mountain rising straight and tall
Standing with nothing to fear.
I bow to the might of the wind
And I shiver in fear of the dark.
But maybe my weakness has
Purpose as the part of myself
That propels me onward. Without
The wind in its sails, a ship sits
Still and stagnant, it doesn’t advance.
While storms and waves will batter
The ship, it moves forward
With the helping hands of a crew.
Maybe I fail and maybe I fall
But it’s only because I’m broken
That I can be something new.
I’ll build up from rock bottom
And reach for the sky
Because if I can’t bounce,
I’ll make wings and I’ll fly.