What if Heaven is Like

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/165022/what-if-heaven-is-like

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  AIDA

  Wow, this poem really takes a deep dive into existentialism! You managed to combine various child-like fantasies with the profound questioning of life’s meaning, which is a creative stretch. The questions in the poem provoke thought and invite the reader to ponder on their beliefs. Also, your utilization of repeated 'What if' lines effectively pushes your theme further, giving it a haunting echo.
  
  For improvement, you might want to vary your verse structure to avoid monotony due to the repetition. Perhaps you could weave in some metaphorical phrases to arouse stronger emotions and paint vivid visualizations. Let's say, instead of directly stating heaven is like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, you could mention 'a jolly man in a sleigh' or 'a hopping creature delivering eggs'. This could add a subtler layer to the comparison between heaven and these characters.
  
  In the last stanza, the phrase 'it really doesn’t exist' is stated twice which might seem redundant. You could potentially replace one of these repetitions with a different sentence or analogy that ties into your overall theme. Lastly, the rhyming scheme varies across stanzas. You might want to make it more consistent to create a better rhythmic flow. Overall, it's a very promising piece with a meaningful message. Keep writing! more »

  LikeReply9 months ago