Here at poetry.com, we are pleased to report that, based on recent scientific evidence (poetry submissions to our website which has been right as rain for over 15 years) the world's most popular name for poets is, and we are not making this up, not Bob or Bill . . . not Mary or Nancy . . . nope, it's "Freemont".

          The scientific evidence we have to back up this fact is that we have received over 800 poems submitted in the last week alone from people named Freemont. Strange, you say? Well, that shows how much you know. It may surprise you that people with the first name Freemont also have wonderfully inventive Last Names too . . . like Aaakwimbe, Gummery-Burns, Horsefeather, Quagmire, Spumoni and Shih Tsu. Interestingly, there are also over 20 people whose first AND last names are Freemont – that is, Freemont Freemont. There are also several Freemont Freemont Freemont's (by the way, it's hard to distinguish between the Freemont Freemonts. They all seem to lisp, and wear bowler hats). And what's more, the poems written by these Freemonts are, for the most part, hilarious. Read on, and I'll tell you where to read them. (But before that – a word from our sponsor.)

          We have decided that this coincidence requires poetry.com to open a new section on it's website, dedicated to the Freemonts of the world, as well as the spawning of a new industry – Freemonts R Us. We already have a complete line of personalized products developed for the Freemonts – Belt Buckles, keychains, those miniature bicycle license plates, Masonite "Welcome to the Freemonts" housesigns (with the look of real wood), a set of kiln-dried edible silverplated thimbles in a snake-like carrying case, and personalized Frisbees (certified by The American Kennel Club), just to name a few. And, if you act today – a free ice crusher!

          So what's the story behind all this fun? Our old friend Dave Barry! You may remember back in 1994, Dave's column "This Poet Don't Know It" – later reprinted in his mega-seller Dave Barry is from Mars AND Venus, Dave wrote a poem for inclusion in our contest, which was later published in one of our anthologies. A sample of Dave's poetic humor:

          Well, Dave's at it again, urging people all over the world to submit funny poems to the world's largest poetry repository – poetry.com – all using the first name Freemont, and all including the line "the dog ate mother's toes". Here's his own submission:

          Dave urged all his readers to submit their effort for posting on poetry.com, and we proudly present them here. Enjoy!