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The Baby Grand Piano

I am a 65 year old woman living with schizophrenia. My poetry is an expression of my inner self and my way of coping with difficult times and enjoying good times through my writing and artwork I have found a place for myself in this world.

The Baby Grand Piano

With hope to someday find my rainbow,
I play Beethoven’s sonata on the baby grand piano-
My father stands over my shoulder with a whip.
As he chants along discordantly,
I listen to his eerie voice in the night.

My father’s neglect screams and
Stabs me with cruel and toxic words-
Last night he abruptly passed away.

My thoughts are spinning out of control-
As are Saturn’s rings amidst a vicious meteor shower.
I sing a classic solo-off key though gently-
As my hands search for the keys on the baby grand piano.

I am alone in the dark- as I dream,
I am playing Beethoven’s sonata on the baby grand piano,
While the back door to my mind’s prison is padlocked-
My thoughts are spinning out of control-

I play Beethoven’s sonata on the baby grand piano-
With utmost care but with trepidation-
I recall my father holding that whip above my shoulder-
I know he can still hear me as souls never die-

I hear my father’s wrathful vengeance-
I never promised him the world-
He never promised me a life-
I composed a song for him, alone-
I played for him on the baby grand piano-
He slighted me with his deriding smile.

I hear the lonesome screaming of the deceased
Rain is falling into a bloodbath. –
Where my father’s soul is inclined to exist-

I believe my soul shall live on,
As I keep on searching for rainbows in a fleeting moment.
I play a dirge for my father
On the baby grand piano,
In the darkness and without command.

Claudia Krizay