Monal M Patel


Russian scholar by way of Boston University

In living,
I have become bleached,
and tainted by a seething existence.
Daily, I creep farther away from who I am,
and what was known to others,
and for others
as me.
Thought by thought I progress-
to a new understanding of self and esteem.
But it is lonely
and it is tiring.
It is unknown
and it is painful.
It is a bleaching effect,
but it is who I have become.
Not that I want it.
Not that I chose it.
Not that I don't want it.
Not that I know who I am, or who I was,
where I'm going or where I am.
Not that I know what it is to know it, to want it,
or to choose to not want it.
But that rather in this state of confusion, and yes, hysteria...
slowly I am becoming acclimated.