Confined; 2.24.21

I want someone to hold me and tell it’s okay
I want someone to stand and show me the way
Everyone keeps telling me that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel
But this tunnel that you tell me about is not what I see

I see the chains and bars that confine me
In this room that is forever shrinking
And everyone tells me that I’m strong enough
Strong enough to burst through the walls that are keeping me inside

They tell me I can grow my wings
Fly and be free
The tell me that I’m fine

But I’m not…
I’m not those things that I want to be
So bad…

Trust me
I want to grow
I want to show you that I can improve
I want to tell you that I’m okay and do better

But I just can’t
At least not right now
This demon that I put in the ground
The devil that I burned
Is back from the ashes

Just a like a phoenix
A phoenix of hatred and pain
The phoenix that will never let me free

You wouldn’t understand
You don’t see what I see
What I can see are the horrible nightmares
The bone chilling memories
That I don’t want anymore

I sometimes ask myself ‘What am I still living for?’
It’s not really like I can stand anyways
I’m on all fours
Bowing to this horrible demon
I can’t find a way out
Nowhere not even a door
No matter where I go
Where I explore
I’m still stuck