Numbed Reality

A natural born athlete
Chasing a wrestling dream
I started popping pills
Was addicted by age 15

All my hard work and talent
Washed down the drain
I couldn’t bounce back..
I Fucked up my name.

It’s been a long treacherous road
To keep myself clean
no matter what, I relapse
into the old
routine

A battle that’s lasted 12 long years
I’ve seen my lowest
I’ve let down all my peers

I’m tired of fighting
Dope-Sick and strangling by a vine
I’ve said it before, but I swear
This is the last time

Please don’t judge me
I’m definitely not stable
It won’t take much to wake
the dormant beast hovering
 beneath my table

I want to stay clean
I have a son on the way
I’m feeling pathetic
No matter how hard I try
This disease, it’s genetic

I will be there to help
to steer him away from
swallowing the demons’ venom
If it comes his way

I feel so guilty
Dad offered his hand
 He warned me about this day
And now I understand.

My guilt has been a trigger
A reason to get numb
It’s time to let that go now
As my focus becomes my son