My Smart Phone

My kids gave me a phone,
From the kindness of their heart.
They said that I must have my own.
They told me it was smart.

They said it could do everything,
Surf,
Shop,
Do it all from A to Z
I haven’t surfed since I was a teen.
And shopping just ain’t for me.

They said i now have GPS,
And an interactive map.
Gallons per second,
I think,
I guess
And I can find the yard for naps

I can mail and message friends.
Order meals on wheels and tweet.
My friends still use paper and pens.
I can cook, and birds are what I eat.  

I swallowed pride and though I tried,
This phone I can not master.
The calculator decided to hide.
Adding in my head was so much faster.

The screen is much to small,
For movies, shows and such.
I squint and strain my eyeballs,
I really just can’t see that much.  

It so full of beeps and dings.
The phone I can’t seem to answer.  
It buzzes, shakes and also rings,
(I was told they cause brain cancer).

So accept this phone I will.
Now the world is mine to see.
As it sits atop this stack of bills,
A paperweight that’s smarter than me.