You scare me

There are so many things
I can be experiencing
I should be
The prickly hairs of your sideburns
Your cigarette-smoke tongue
I want to taste the creases in your lips
You're tired
I should touch you
I want to grab that notepad out of your hand
That pen out of the fold of your ear
Throw it on the marble floor
And tell you to keep going
As I caress the luggage under your dark eyes
You're tired
Let's go to bed
Let's flip off gravity
We don't need it anyway
I want to know his story
I'll show you if you show me
Rough curls
Not enough hair for sideburns
I want to hide under your five o'clock shadow
The word burn is kind of funny
Men give me trust-issues
Anxiety
Uneasiness
I never feel safe
I feel judged by men and their gaze
Like I have something to prove
Like I exist to please them
Like I am failing because I am nothing much
So comfortable in their presence
Shivering at the thought of them alone
There's so much I should be experiencing
Instead I am staring at a screen
Indulging
I am afraid