Why?

You say certain things to me that makes my mind go numb.
Then I realize you are joking and I just feel dumb.
Why does it have to be this way?
Why would you think it would be okay?
You say that I've hurt you by the things that I've said.
So how do you think I feel when you screw with my head?
With all the things you've not meant, but said.
Sometimes you just make me wish I were dead.
I don't want to even look in your eyes.
Because in my head all I hear are your lies.
Then the cycle starts over again.
And I never know why or even when.
My heart just tears and breaks in two.
And then I'm in a quandary on what to do.
Should I stay friends and let you keep doing this to me?
That is always why I say, just please let me be!
I don't know how much more I can take.
Before I just feel that I am being a fake.
Sometimes I think that you're not good for me.
And I wish you'd just wake up, open your eyes, and see.
But I keep thinking that one day you will stop.
But I want it to be soon, so I can remain on top.
I don't want to go back to being what I was.
And listen to you say, you did it just because.
Why can't you just be honest with me?
Before our friendship is over for eternity.
Why can't you see just how close I am?
Before you open your mouth with your next slam!
I don't want to give up what it is that we've shared.
Because it is all of me that I have just bared.