Why can't I love me?

I know I talk big, but oh if you knew how numb I really feel.
You'd wonder if I was a statue, or if I was ever even real.

There are times when feel that I can't do anything right.
Even holding myself up, some days takes all my might.

I know that I said that being numb would be a terrible way to be.
But on the days when I do feel, I hate these feelings inside of me.

The sadness inside of me dwells, the hate for myself continues to grow.
I try so hard to push back the depression, before it too begins to show!!!

My happiness is vanishing everywhere that I look inside of my brain.
I feel like I am nothing but evil, I just feel like I cause nothing but pain.

Why do I have to be so pathetic and weak, why can't I just find my strength?
Why can't I seem to help myself, for others I am willing to go to any length.

Why am I so forgiving of others, and never forgiving of me, why can't I see?
Other people see the beauty that I have inside, yet it remains my mystery.

God help me, allow me to see the good in me, so that I can finally sleep.
Sometimes I feel as if I'm in over my head, as if I'm in this way too deep.

I love people, and they mean the absolute world to me, why can't I love me?
It seems like it should be such an easy thing for me, yet it's not my reality.

I lay on the ground, my wounded body dying, wondering what to rearrange.
I lay here as my heart bleeds, crying silently, not knowing how to change.