What The Dickens...

If old curiosity bought
you here to my hearth
then take a seat by the cricket
and i'll give 2 penny worth

Our mutual friend
May have mentioned my name
But then in the end
It's all one and the same

Be you a Mr Micawber
Or a Barnaby Rudge
If you can't hold a candle
Then don't hold a grudge

Not a tale of two cities
But it's one with a twist
About a bleak house
And chances I missed

I went off to dinner
At Miss Havisham's house
I passed through the gates
As meek as a mouse

She took little exception
So I took up a knife
And I cut through the cobwebs
To find me a wife

Though Martin and David
And Dombey and sons
Where good enough friends
I wanted more than just chums

She said 'What the Dickens!'
So I thought 'What the hell?'
As I pulled her towards me
She felt my pride swell

'Captain Boldheart' she cried
'Why fair lady' said I
like a holiday romance
I soon swept her away

And back at my room
We made passionate love
While I watched our performance
In the mirror above

But when the day broke
It was hard times for all
Alone with no wallet
I ran into the hall

I dashed to the desk
Some help for to seek
They said seven poor travellers
Suffered similar this week

But it seemed that complaining
served little function
the simple truth was
I was 'up Mugby Junction'

Just like Baron Grogzwig
I fought ghosts in my dream
Knowing lights on the marsh
May not be what they seem

And while life and adventures
May leave you 'nicker less
If you've great expectations
beware 'things' in a dress

For not all Little Dorrits
May seem what they be
They'll deceive you and
leave you to enjoy Marshalsea

And if my sad story
Any bells it has rung
May you take good heed
'til Christmas Carols are sung!