Uncertainty

The uncertainty that keeps me awake at night
Not knowing if I'm good enough
Not knowing if I can trust myself to make my own  decisions
Not knowing if I should run, stay, or fight
Almost every fiber of my being is telling me to run
But there is a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach
Yelling out for me to listen
To stay and fight
To know that I am enough
To take that leap of faith
To know that I have someone to catch me if I fall
Yet, I want to  run
Take me as far away as my legs will carry me
The uncertainty that it's all a joke weighs  on me
I feel it crushing the last of my Breath
The darkness setting in
Even in the darkness, there is a calm peace
It can't hurt me anymore
I could just disappear
Vanish like I was never here
Why do I even care?
Why fight, would it even make a difference?
Would it open my eyes and let me see exactly what others see in me?
Would it help me find my self worth?
The certainty of knowing you're worth something
Yet being so far from seeing it
So far from believing it
So far from where I need to be
I want to stay
I want to fight
I want to see what others see in me
It seems like such a far off dream
An unobtainable goal
I feel that I keep reaching but can't find anything to hold onto
To draw me near and keel me in the light
I want to feel the warmth of the Sun
Help keep me here
Help me want to stay
Help me want to fight!