See the Real Me

Shed away those outer layers that hide the real me from your beautiful eyes.

Strip away the particles of self-hate the still remain in me.

Open my eyes. Let me see the beauty that I see in you in myself.

Peel back the inhibitions from my heart, and let me love as deeply as the deepest sea.

Throw back the covers that I have pulled to myself as a camouflage.

Pull all this painfully away from me. Help me grow, help me learn, help me change.

Oh, I look into your eyes and I see everything I want to be.

Your intelligence, confidence, poise…beauty.

Simplistic really. My wish is to become you, yet to be myself.

Is this possible? Or is it yet another dream that can never come true?

When I see you, my heart goes wild as a caged bird,

The feeling is unfamiliar to a stoic like me.

I protect myself with my noncommittal, uncaring attitude.

I refuse to grow attached. Now even those things I hold close are strangling me.

I painted a portrait onto myself to morph into the person others thought I should be.

Now all those layers are squeezing tighter and tighter, and I can't breathe.

I feel so incompetent when I am with you, so far below you that I question why.

Why you have time to talk to me? Why you even offer to listen?

What is it about me that intrigues you? Or are you simply humoring me,

Because you saw my reaction to our first conversation?

What am I to you? Because I feel inadequate to even speak to you.

I feel as if I am tearing my very soul apart in order to tell you this truth.

And even still I rely on one of my hiding places, my poetry.

I gave you a way to read into my private life…is that what scared you away?

Is it that I have so very much baggage to deal with?

Because I promise you this my problems have nothing to do with us.

What are we but acquaintances, anyway? What is the importance? The significance?

I am so tired of superficial “friendship” that never leads to trust.