Scared and Alone

I sit here
Scared and alone
Am I loved? I ponder
I hear someone call for me in the distance
No, it couldn't have been
I shake my head and look at the stars
My tears glisten in the moon-light
I want to be loved
And at the end of it all,
I won't be
All I ever feel is
Scare and alone

I pretend to be happy
Plaster on a fake smile
Crack a few jokes
Play along
Really though
I'm terrified
and upset
I look down at the ground
and remember the time i traced the cord back to the wall
unplugged it from its outlet
and I hung

I touch the scars on my body
Remembering the stinging sensation
The cuts on my wrists
Sometimes
I still feel the blood trickeling over my skin

Will i ever be happy again? I worry
Why do I always feel so scared and alone

I Understand that many people don't enjoy my presence
I know I'm clingy and desperate
but I can't help it
I'm used to being left behind
I say I'm sorry,
Even though my sorrys are just empty promises to you
I hear the frustration in your tone every time we talk
Is this why I did it?
I dream of being likeable
But it will only every be a dream
I hope i am loved

5 years later
The scars still on my body
My flesh still stinging
Was it worth it
no

Peers i barely knew
Sobbing
My Parents
Depressed
My teachers
Stressed

I regret it more than ever
I relapse
I struggle
But i stay alive for the small things in life

The way someone smiles after they laugh
How someone blushes when they receive a compliment
The way my teachers always try to get me involved

I Hope that you never feel scared and alone

If you ever think no ones here for you
no matter how bad you screw up
remember this
a persons life is like a puzzle
and you are a puzzle piece
if you lose one puzzle piece
a part of someones life may never be complete

so stay alive
for me