perception

People say I have such a beautiful smile,
If they could only see what's hidden behind it.
The smiling and joking of the person I want to be,
Yet it's so far from where I am or how I feel.
The pain and agony over a troubled past.
Praying that someday and somehow these feelings won't last.
Can they see the emptiness in my eyes?
Can they tell just how numb I actually feel?
I try to let my guard down once in a while,
Only to have the pain come crashing in and cripple me.
Causing me to crave the numbness again.
Causing me to go through the motions day by day.
Settling into my lot in life with my facade.
Hoping that one day, someone will break down my walls and finally set me free!