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past lover

I could feel everything with him. Every inch was like a heavy heart beat. Every feeling he ever felt in his whole life, he gave it to me. Like a gift, through penetration.

His frustration for life was completely obvious through the movement of his body and his aggressive touch. Even his voice was filled with anger…dangerous. When he had hold of me I knew I couldn't go anywhere. For some reason, it was such a safe feeling. How beautiful to have someone so strong wrapping there arms around me like protection. To know he felt just as angry at the world, and intelligent to the danger of it. Of course his arms were around me for safe keeping. To keep me innocent. He hated anything but innocence in me. Another form of protection. Do not corrupt her! Do not corrupt me…? Entertaining.

I knew I was his only real joy in life. To rip myself away from him was d*mn near impossible. Not only because of his happiness being destroyed in the process, but because he was like water to me. I could only live without him for so long. After that I was not human any longer. I was more like a robot or a zombie. I was alive, but had no heart. I was moving but had no energy. I was talking but had no brain to process the words I would say. That is like no other feeling I have ever felt. I could still feel his energy when he was gone. I could feel his touch like he was there. I felt like my body would become an exploding painful memory. I would even cry his name out at night, and I knew he could hear me calling him….I knew he was calling for me too.
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Submitted on May 10, 2012

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