Obedience

Well, last night I did what I never thought I would ever do
I told my deepest secret
I was always afraid of how I would be viewed
So much so that I wouldn't even let myself think it

My secret

I pushed it down as far as I could
Trying to make it go away
But satan would never make it that easy
No instead he brought it up each and every day

Putting thoughts in my head like
"Oh God would never free me"
"Why should I even try?"
"The best thing to do is just to hide it on the inside"

"Look at your reputation," he said
"What will they think?"
"Your pastor, father and mother, Be smart"
"You don't want to look weak"

I didn't realize this was a lie because the truth was
It really didn't matter what anyone thought about me
And while I was trying to hide my secrets from God
He could still see

You cant hide anything from God
 He knows you completely
He saw me when I faked happiness
And then seconds later fell on the floor weeping

Sinking...
Further into the pit that the enemy had dug out for me

The pit...
Grabbing a hold of the sides trying to use my own strength to come out of it

A fit...

Never seemed to work either
No matter how much I screamed to the thoughts holding me captive
It never seemed to discourage the deceiver
I could not seem to let go of the receiver

I constantly listened to what he had to say
only not recognizing his voice
Feeling obligated to obey my feelings
Not realizing that I actually had a choice

You are a slave to whatever you obey
And it's really dangerous being a slave to your feelings
And pretty soon, I adopted the philosophy that I was ok
so that I didn't have to seek healing.

But the longer the time you try to hold it down
The harder it gets
I finally got to the point where I could ask myself
Is this worth it?

Is it worth it to stay in bondage?
Is it worth the pain?
Because no matter how much I smiled to cover it up
My heart still remained the same

Hardened and cold
As a means of protection
The enemy had served me
A big slice of deception

God is my protection, God is my fortress
My ever present help in the time of trouble
The thoughts that the enemy whispered into my ear
Were lies both small and subtle

So, I told on myself.
Yes, and it was hard

First to God as if he didn't know!
As difficult as it was I decide to open the door...

of my heart
That was the scariest part
I didn't want to get hurt

My heart!
I was trying to save it
But that's why God died on the cross
plus- he made it!

And when I opened it up to Him
He began to speak
He told me not to think about them
It was Him that I needed to seek

But God, I read the Bible!
I do seek You is what I said
Then He said
Yes, but do u obey everything that you've read?

You see,

It's not enough to just read and walk away
Then all you have is knowledge at the end of the day
You can know the entire bible and still not be free
You can memorize every word and still be deceived

Faith without works is dead!

You have to put what you have read in action
Or you will remain the same
You can read, listen, and sing all you want
and continue to be chained

Jesus came so that we may have life
And have it more abundantly
Obedience will make the change!