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My Heart is Sick

So it's another day where the past has its name written on me...

There are some things that are like scars

That sticks on your very soul forever

Some things you will never forget

Like your first lover

There are moments where those memories burn me like an open flame

I try to forfeit them back to history,

But they stay and cripple me

I cannot seem to understand why the reality of it makes any since

I know that God has given me my purpose and I must follow it

So, why would there be this endless yearning?

I want it to fade...to disappear,

But then who would I be without this beating in my heart

That belongs to someone I loved before?

It is concealed mostly

But there are days where it is destructive to my very soul.

Is there a purpose for this painful existence in my heart?

I feel my every nature trying to pull away from it

As if it will harm me

Temptation haunts me and I am afraid there is no ending

I stay away, but I am tormented

By the thought that I will not be strong forever

And I will suffer the consequences tremendously

God may send his wrath down upon me

And I will be helpless to guard against it

Even the life of this temptation inside me

May be my worst enemy

I only hope that these days that history makes itself at home in my head

Will slowly fade into nothing...

Less and less...and less
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Submitted on November 30, 2012

1:18 min read
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