Welcome to Poetry.com

Poetry.com is a huge collection of poems from famous and amateur poets from around the world — collaboratively published by a community of authors and contributing editors.

Navigate through our poetry database by subjects, alphabetically or simply search by keywords. You can submit a new poem, discuss and rate existing work, listen to poems using voice pronunciation and even translate pieces to many common and not-so-common languages.

Rate this poem:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Interview with Goldilocks

YES!
I went in the house, I didn’t mean any harm though.
The door was open and I needed the loo!
I called - no-one answered,
what else is a girl supposed to do?
Do you seriously expect me to pee in the forest!

Sure… I shouldn’t have touched the porridge!
I put my hands up to that. You've got me.
Papas tasted like wallpaper paste anyways,
uhhh gloop with a kick - the spoon almost
hit me in the eye as I heaved it from its contents,
spot welded to the bowl I shouldn’t doubt!
I'd have needed an industrial suction pump to eat that.

Mama’s had enough sugar to rot the teeth of an alligator
Seriously - I should sue man! I’m talking serious cavities!
the damage I’ve probably done to these pearly whites!
These are big teeth coming through you know, not baby teeth.
The tooth fairy went ape ! Grumpy little witch!
Refused to pay up after the second one fell out!
so you can guess who's out of pocket now.

Baby bears was just so pigging good. Porridge heaven!
I planned to have a few spoon full’s, that’s all…
but the munchies kicked in and I scoffed the lot!
I didn’t mean it! (she pleads).spoon to mouth madness!
I put the bowl in to soak though -
They never tell you that in the books - do they!
It’s a witch hunt - you can’t trust those fairy tales!

Sure… I broke the chair too!
It was unfortunate it was baby bears though -
they make it sound like I have some sort of vendetta!
Like I bullied him into a nervous breakdown.
It was porridge and a chair - and maybe
a bit of drool on the bead covers, at most!

It was faulty! The chair was pigging faulty!

Father bear used it to change a light bulb the previous day.
Imagine that big lump balancing on the weeny chair!
An unexpected bout of wind would have deconstructed it in seconds.
I probably did them a favour - could have caused a nasty accident!
Well it did! Hey - you think claims direct will help?
I scraped my knee, drew blood and everything…
do they tell you that in the books? I think not!

I couldn’t find a bandage and my head was screaming,
I think I knocked it on a table or summink… It hurt bad!
So… I went upstairs to see if I could find a first aid box.

I looked under Pa’s bed - just a load of bear magazines there!
Ma’s bed was spotless, and I mean pristine!
She should have her own cleaning show on channel 4.
Then, I went all dizzy and fell right onto baby bears bed.

It would have to be baby bears bed!
he cried like a girl (hehehe)
Honestly - call himself a bear cub,
he blubbed like a baby… “Oh… a girl…help…”

So I hastily made my retreat out of the window.
nearly braking my ankle in the process,
landed in the thorns and brambles ass first,
I tell you - they’ve scarred me for life, for real!
I’m gunna have to get a tattoo now - although
my dad will probably pop a kitten if I ever do.

That’s if he ever lets me out this damn house! (scream)

So… They flung the book at me - they did!
Breaking and entering - don’t make me laugh!
The door was open! The chair was broke!
I the victim here! The bear was a wuss!

I’ve come out of this badly - I can tell you
Those bears have ruined me!!!
And I’m not even eight yet! It’s tragic! (sob).
Font size:
 

Submitted on May 01, 2011

3:06 min read
0 Views

Discuss this net4eva poem with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Find a translation for this poem in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this poem to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Interview with Goldilocks" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 28 Sep. 2021. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/75551/interview-with-goldilocks>.

    Become a member!

    Join our community of poets and poetry lovers to share your work and offer feedback and encouragement to writers all over the world!

    Browse Poetry.com

    Quiz

    Are you a poetry master?

    »
    "My candle burns at both ends; It will not last the night."
    • A. Sylvia Plath
    • B. Edna St. Vincent Millay
    • C. Wilfred Owen
    • D. Lord Byron

    Our favorite collection of

    Famous Poets

    »