insomniac inquieries

my powers have left me it seems
I'm a rat in a maze, running around
chasing the sun, pulled down by tears of lead
the solemn night sky only by my side

heavens cry down on me this lonely night
granting an immense quiet
cold winds, mildly warm skin mingle feverishly
all is blown away by silent shockwaves
of the inevitable emptiness

entangled in my own web
spewn in confusion
the purpose seems so clear
childish beliefs and grappling fingers

but the intensity is so overwhelming
if all of this is really play,
then the mind is truly powerful
doubt chained to my feet

I'm not sure whether to fight with all my might, bravely resistant
or open my inner sanctum and let it bleed
out into the night, true and beautiful
tonight was truly a crazy fireworks display
a sluggish hell or maybe the key to divinity

its as if I was set up to fall down
to fall victim to vicious patterns
secretly calculated in conspiracy
its as if bliss wasn't enough, so I have to go and spoil it
drippig with illusions, drenched so carelessly

I wonder if I can ever recover,
I wonder if there's any place for me to return to.
somewhere over yonder, around a corner
I want to go there so badly it hurts my soul
do I set myself free?

I feel a need to ask for forgivness
to speak forgotten words of purest love
please please please please please
put me back on the right path
transform me and I will shine brighter than any star
please help me stand up and shatter this confusion
let me help you grow into what you're supposed to be