Go West, Young Man (or north, or east, or south)

I've a story for you
I swear that it's true
It's about the queer folk
in the town where I grew
There's old Willie McFee
Who one day swallowed a bee
He screamed and he yelled
and ran into a tree
Sweet Sally Anne Blye
One day swatted a fly
Then she felt really bad
and she started to cry
Dr. Wilhelm Maloney
Always prescribed baloney
He practiced for years
though his degree was phoney
School marm Mrs. McGrath
Taught reading, writing, and math
She used two drops of water
when she took her bath
Simple Johnny O'Rourke
Always dressed like a dork
He made three dollars a week
selling barbequed pork
Then there's rich Carlton Fister
Whose wife murdered his sister
So he kept one eye open
whenever he kissed her
Bob and Jane Wheat
Made wine that's a treat
They crushed their own grapes
with their big stinky feet
My own brother Rick
You can bet he moves quick
He likes to hunt bears
with a long willow stick
I know this sound strange
But things there never change
That's why I now live
on the wide open range.