Fear of not knowing

Smashed up crashed up cracked up
imagine us, sad up, mad up, trashed up
skipping a beat up a heart beat up
the pressure in my eyes up the lines become alive up
the tightness in my chest up
let's bring this down want to take that trip down
not knowing not going anywhere but up
not knowing feeling the pain in my gut
you were rest...ing I was rest...less
heard a loud ring upside my head
visited every news channel upside my head
inside my head inside this box
not knowing the color of your aura
the colors trailed off in dark blues and black
the colors had that stench of my fathers past
the colors seem so close but yet so far
the colors the colors the colors
the lonely stars float in my eyes
lack of sleep paints my picture with icicles
sharp cold daggers plung into my pillowcase
damp pillowcase
alert in the worst way
alert on the 1st day 1st minute 1st second
not knowing was a heavy heavy hand
she was in my head, a world gone unread
a book with a chapter missing
I looked but something missing
something missing something missing
faith the calm warm hand at my rescue
faith the gentle love warms me up
for a second a minute and possibly a day
the time it took to write this poem
forever!!