Cold inside

It must be cold there in my shadows
To never have sunlight on my face..
But what's left of kisses?
And so I have worn coats of scars...
vowed with hollow words
and lied my way through my sorrows.
Could I be stitched up like i never hurt?
But what's the point of being hurt on the
inside?
It should bloody well show!!!
if the sky falls in crumbles
I should feel the world caving in...
so I learnt how to scatter ashes
write a funeral eulogy
and now personalize a memorial..
Hush now...don't cry ..
You are only a crack on the glass ..
These tears just burn ..they dont kill
but No, no nooo
I am bent ..repeatedly broken
damaged ...drained off my strength
I have been stolen from..
because moms don't just leave, right?
my mama wouldn't ...
How did I survive a minute without you?
When everything has shaped and moulded
around your death
like a lost limb...
you know, lately I have been craving you
your love ..embrace ..comfort.. presence
though it has been a while, a year, or more
but I cant seem to crawl out of this
separation..
I dont know where to head
and there isn't any part of me that likes not knowing
I just want you back mama ..
so I still look for your face in the crowd
But some things wound too deep into the
fabric of one's world ..