The Barber's Story

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis 1876 (Auburn) – 1938 (Melbourne)



'Mornin',' I sez to 'im,
Gloomy, 'e seemed to be.
Glum an' unsociable.  Comes in the shop
'Mornin',' I sez to 'im.
'E don't say anythin'.
'You're next,' I sez; an' 'e sits with a flop.

'Great Cup?' I sez to 'im.
Shakin' the wrappin's out.
'E don't say nuthin'; but jist give a grunt.
'Great win?' I sez to 'im,
Smilin' incouragin'.
'Wonderful way that 'e come to the front.'

'E don't reply to me.
Sits sorta glarin' like.
'Phar Lap,' I sez to 'im.  'Wonder 'orse. Wot?
'Ave a win yestidy?'
Still 'e don't answer me.
'Phar Lap,' I sez, ''e made 'acks of the lot.'

'Champeen,' I sez to 'him.
'Wonderful popiler…
This 'ere Tregiller, 'e never showed up…
Phar Lap,' I sez to 'im,
'Mus' be a wonder 'orse.
But this Tregiller run bad in the Cup.'

'Wot?' 'e come back at me,
Lookin' peculiar
Red in the face, so I thought 'e would choke.
'Cab-horse!' 'e sez to me,
Nasty an' venimous -
Reel disagreeable sort of a bloke.

'Tregiller!' 'e sez to me,
Glarin' reel murderous.
'Tregiller!!' 'e barks at me. 'That 'airy goat!'
Surly, 'e seemed to me
Man couldn't talk to 'im. . . .
''Air-cut?' I sez to 'im.
'No!' 'e sez.  'Throat!'

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Submitted on May 13, 2011

Modified on March 05, 2023

1:05 min read
55

Quick analysis:

Scheme AbcAdc aefadf bxeebx aghaih bgjbij bikbaak
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 1,097
Words 232
Stanzas 6
Stanza Lengths 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 7

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis, better known as C. J. Dennis, was an Australian poet known for his humorous poems, especially "The Songs of a Sentimental Bloke", published in the early 20th century. Though Dennis's work is less well known today, his 1915 publication of The Sentimental Bloke sold 65,000 copies in its first year, and by 1917 he was the most prosperous poet in Australian history. Together with Banjo Paterson and Henry Lawson, both of whom he had collaborated with, he is often considered among Australia's three most famous poets. While attributed to Lawson by 1911, Dennis later claimed he himself was the 'laureate of the larrikin'. When he died at the age of 61, the Prime Minister of Australia Joseph Lyons suggested he was destined to be remembered as the 'Australian Robert Burns'. more…

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