Granny Discovers Another Tiger

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis 1876 (Auburn) – 1938 (Melbourne)

That's him!!  The authentic, identical beast!
The Unionist tiger, full brother to 'Sosh'!
I know by the prowl of him.
Hark to the growl of him,
While all the people ejaculate 'Gosh!
Just look at him glarin' an' starin', by thunder!
Now each for himself and the weakest goes under.'

Beware this injurious, furious brute;
He's ready to rend you with tooth and with claw.
Though 'tis incredible,
Anything edible
Disappears suddenly into his maw;
Into his cavernous inner interior
Vanishes ev'rything strictly superior.

My dears, I've autoptical, optical proof
That he's prowling and growling at large in the land.
Hear his pestiferous
Clamor vociferous
Urging to war his belligerent band!
Talk about Circe and - who's this - Ulysses!
Never was monster so monstrous as this is.

I've watched this abdomenous, omnious shape
Abroad in the land while the nation has slept,
Marked his satanical
Methods tyrannical;
Rigorous, vigorous vigil I kept.
He has wicked designs on all right-thinking people!
Proclaim it aloud from the housetop and steeple!

He lays his corrodible, odible plans
While cutely disguising his ultimate claims.
Into your auricle
Words oratorical
He will declaim with ulterior aims.
And if as a foe he should happen to spot us,
One gulp - and his great epiglottis has got us!

The tremulous, emulous workers he snares
By most reprehensible, tensible schemes.
Slyly insidious,
Vilely invidious
Are his designs to encourage their dreams.
But watch, when they're under his dominant digit,
His finical, cynical smile as they fidget.

The shockingly punitive, unitive means
He uses to battle with enterprise private
Are indefensible
Quite reprehensible.
Lord only knows what at last he'll arrive at!
And when he has swallowed the whole of the nation
He'll probably start on self-assimilation.

He scoffs at convenient, lenient laws
He'd scoff every toff in the House known as Upper
If he'd a precedent;
Every resident
In the best suburb would serve him for supper.
Good gravious, voracious is hardly the name for it!
Yet we have only our blindness to blame for it.

For mark, his insidious, hideous creed
He propagates even 'mid grocers and drapers,
And they give ear to it,
Bow, and adhere to it,
'Spite all the capers of well-informed papers.
For e'en with the aid of an lens omphaloptic
They can't see the glare in his obdurate optic.

Then 'ware this obstreperous, leperous beast!
A treacherous wretch, for I know him of old.
I'm on th etrack of him,
Close at the back of him,
Tight on his tail I have taken a hold.
And if I gave over my earnest endeavor,
The nation were lodged in his larynx for ever.

It's him!! The authentic, identical beast!
I know him 'The Unionist,' brother to 'Sosh'!
See how I'm holding him,
Nagging and scolding him,
While he is yearning his betters to squash;
Yearning and burning to snare the superior
Into his roomy and gloomy interior

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Submitted on May 13, 2011

Modified on March 05, 2023

2:31 min read

Quick analysis:

Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 2,801
Words 490
Stanzas 11
Stanza Lengths 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7, 7

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis

Clarence Michael James Stanislaus Dennis, better known as C. J. Dennis, was an Australian poet known for his humorous poems, especially "The Songs of a Sentimental Bloke", published in the early 20th century. Though Dennis's work is less well known today, his 1915 publication of The Sentimental Bloke sold 65,000 copies in its first year, and by 1917 he was the most prosperous poet in Australian history. Together with Banjo Paterson and Henry Lawson, both of whom he had collaborated with, he is often considered among Australia's three most famous poets. While attributed to Lawson by 1911, Dennis later claimed he himself was the 'laureate of the larrikin'. When he died at the age of 61, the Prime Minister of Australia Joseph Lyons suggested he was destined to be remembered as the 'Australian Robert Burns'. more…

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