Us, or is it just me?

How do you show change when they wear a blindfold? How do you show you care, when they're mentally not there? Why do  try if she thinks I can never change? Why I it my fault everytime it rains? To expect someone to change, you must give them a chance, for if you don't afford them a chance, then there's no room nor reason to change. You can't treat them like they're still fucking up when they're trying to do right, you can't make them feel all alone, each and every night. They learn new words, big and small, and in everyday try to fit you to them all. They control your life yet call you a narcissist, they say that it's only you for the reason they're pissed. If you clean the house, mop the floors, and do the dishes, you get accused of being suspicious, even though you want to do your part,   still they care not if they break your heart. And you o nothing at all, no housework or anything, and now you're just plain lazy, and you need to help with things. Leave notes, buy flowers and little gifts just because? Why how dare, what are you hiding, this doesn't mean it's love. Your every move is wrong to them, and they make you feel like dirt, but it doesn't matter because their are the only feelings that aren't aloud to be hurt. Your every move is questioned, even using the restroom too, and after so long you start to believe they will never believe you. To express your feelings and emotions, means automatically you're placing blame, this all just seems so unreal and I'm tired of the games. I just wish things could start a fresh, and maybe amends be made. I'm not asking for my forgiveness, I just want fairness here, I pay the prices of my debts, I'll leave none left. You cannot win, you can't be right, and if you are they start a fight, its like they feed and thrive on drama, and convince the world they've been put through trauma. They could break the law, steal and lie, but don't you dare try to call them out. The situation that's at hand is seen through just their eyes, try to tell anyone different and they turn it all around. They play the victim all too well, vindictive as they are. They make up things to help themselves, and make you look so evil. They tell one side and then deny that you have a right to speak, so everyone will distance you until you're out too far. Their selfish in most of their ways but that's behind closed doors, to the world they make sure they portray that they deserve much more. Yet you have given them everything, that you could along the way. Still they have the nerve and gaull to go ahead and say. "You're worthless and shady, won't ever be nothing, and you need your family too much", yet their parents still do everything, sometimes they do too much. They condescend, they play pretend, they've made a worl inside their head, and they tell the world about everything way more than should be said. But if you vent to anyone, or even tell anyone anything, you're involving everyone else in our problems, and tell you lightly tread. They hold the house, the car, the bed, everything theirs over your head. Say if you don't change and don't do this, then you can leave this house, so you walk around eggshells as quiet as a church mouse. You're scared to lose your children, and you're scared to be alone, but taking abuse from the poor old victim, just don't feel like a home. You cry at night when you can think, because out, your love was thrown. They'll never love you like you love them, it's said, it hurts, im cold. They do it all again and again, because you let them though. Unless you leave and stand again upon your own two feet. You can show the world the man you are, you cannot admit defeat. They can kick, hit me while I'm down but still I won't be beat. Those children that I share with them, are mine too not theirs alone. A good father I am, and always have been, and this surely can be shown. I'd rather stay and love them right, but I don't see how I can. When everytime I do something, I fell like it's all damned. Sure I've made mistakes for sure, and that I can admit, but at least a take responsibility for all my own shit. I'd love to see them be the person they were when we first met, but they've changed so much, im almost sure, who they were they chose to just forget. They were beautiful, inside and out, and from the start I never had any doubt. That I loved them in everyday, and would more as we grew. And surely I did until they couldn't love themselves too. I've reassured, I've reaffirmed, I've loved, I've cared, I've gave. And somewhere there along the way, they pushed, they turned and moved away, and feel nothing to save. So am I wasting time with them, when they think I'm the only one to change? I've changed, and changed more times in the past, and still to no avail. "Oh you've done that, now you must do this, but I promise you will fail." It's never good enough for them they always ask for more. The more you give the more you change the more they slam the door. They nit and pick and nag at shit th×y should just leave alone. And when they push to hard, too far, they push some more, til your buttons are sore, and a skill that they have honed. Until emotions take control you raise your voice but your hand. And now you've become the bad guy here, how dare you take a stand. Just sit here and take my abuse, and don't say nothing back, cause if you do then it is you who is under attack. Even though you're the monster the world! Aleady knows, if they only knew the devil incarnate was wearing all their clothes. But im a man, im not entitled to have feelings myself, I'm not aloud to have bad days, or or need time to myself. I wake up at dawn, work all day long, for what I do not know. I've just been being user by them like a bank with forgiven loans.

To be continued...........
     Mattrich Ardaiken