House Settling

My home is settling in its foundation.
The sounds of screams and gasps of air escape my lips.
That's just the home adjusting, to its new setting.
Me reviewing what's happened, being unsettled.
I'm in my home, and I hear the sound of my cries.
I jump, I'm startled, I haven't felt the effect from inside.
A drop of water fell from the ceiling to in front of me, on the floor.
I look up, I see the weld of water gathering up above my head.
I realize a leak, which shouldn't be there because I've built my home securely, so inside I'm protected.
From the tears gushing from the ceiling down to the floor, filling up my home.
I realize, what's real, I realize I can feel.
I haven't felt anything ever since 8th grade
Ever since I chipped away the coat of paint.
That covered my house, my skin
I had no sympathy
And all of a sudden feelings are forming inside of me.
My home once protected me from outside pain.
A superficial girl replaced me now I have to relearn how to live again.
Because now that girl's gone, and I'm showing through.
But I'm different, I'm sad, all of this pain is so new.
How did that girl manage to smile through the day?
How did that girl put others first, and ignored her own pain?
How did that girl live through what he did?
He did that thing that now has provoked this pain.
My home was invaded, security, gone.
I'm inside my home and he takes everything for him.
And now I have to regain all of the lost substance,
I have to rebuild safety, protection, and trust.
And now I lay on the cold hardwood floors,
Looking up at the sky through the destroyed roof.
And I reach up, wishing the stars could save me
I wish that they could take me away.
Because where they are, they shine so bright
Maybe that girl was a star and she was just robbed blind
Until she turned back to a mortal, turned back to me
And I can't get back to where she belongs
Where I should be
I should be safe
I should be laying down listening
To my home settle in its foundation
I shouldn't have to replace what he took
I shouldn't be missing anything
I shouldn't have to look
For who I am or can be
Because I've been wiped clean
I should be able to feel protected by her but now she's gone
Now I have to relearn how to live, and how to love.
And how to trust
And how to trust love
And how to fix a leak
And how to rebuild home
Until I figure this all out all I have is a bucket
I trust that it'll do its job and take these feelings and collect them
So that I can simply just dump them away
So that I brush these feelings off like a rainy day
Because the truth is I'm avoiding what I truly feel
About what happened on that night when he robbed me
But let me be, don't force me to use this water
To hydrate the fight
Of me stealing myself back
Because I'm not confronting him
I'm not going to talk to him
I'm not going to give to him
Instead, I just blocked him
Because that's what I do best
I block these feelings
So that I can take on
My friends feeling sick
Or my friends needing me
Or my peers’ issues
I find more value in them
instead of unraveling mine.
Just let me live.
Just let me adjust, to feeling again.