Pullimg these thoughts out of my head

Gotta pull these thoughts out of my brain need them to stop cant find the peace i require while they exist write em down on this piece of paper so they will expire took the page and set it on fire and watch my thoughts go up in smoke staring at the flames i want only to be the man i think i am cant look at the mirror anymore cause that man isnt me the one i see he lost all sense of happiness he has no glee f*ck that mother fucker i hate that piece of shit worthless asshole gotta take these visions from my mind and wash them away gotta let them be lost to time its self need them to be buried forever dont i deserve to find my happily ever after dont you see how much this shit fucking destroys me cant you see how much its crushing any will i have to fight on dont you fucking realize im dieing that i died a little mire with every harsh word you speak and how it breaks me down that much more every time we fight why cant you figure out that the day you were gone that i fucking took my own life that it made me think you wanted me dead and that whenever i speak to god that he ignores my pleas for sanity dont you care how your cold calus deminor forces me further into a deeper state of depression and brings forth a greater desire to drive the business end of my .45 into my mouth once more only this time i wont hesitate to hear the sweet relief of the report it sends as the hammer strikes the blasting cao and sends a burst of electricity thru the black powder forcing the projectile to rush out the barrel and directly thru the thoughts of bitterness sadness and pain where you left me......f*ck it im fucking done