Fat

Chubby
Plumpy
Chunky
Well Rounded,
Thick and Thicc
Funny how many words we can create for something none of us want to be
Fat.
Used to describe a type of oil in our bodies.
Maybe if I’d known the scientific meaning
Maybe I wouldn’t have spent so much time
So many years, screaming, whispering, thinking
Fat.
I wasn’t, you know.
Wasn’t truly until recently.
Or maybe I’m not but I will be
I began to lose track at the age of 9
Lose track of when I began to think, began to believe that I was
Wholly, truly and definitely,
Fat.
“You’re beautiful”
Words I got from adults, from staff members
People who believed their meaningless words could help me believe
Help the reader, the watcher, the observer slightly hope that she wasn’t
Hopelessly, utterly, inevitably
Fat.
And every year I look back.
I look back on past me, from age nine, seeing this beautifully perfect girl stay ashamed
Stay covered
Stay Shy
Stay inside
All because she believed, believed she knew, believed it was true,
Believed that she was
Fat.