Trapped

For half of my life
I felt trapped in a box
My mind locked in a jail cell
No way to be unlocked

I lived a double life
Happy on the outside
Smiling with my friends
While miserable on the inside
Trying to hide my emotions

My brain is an oxymoron
Busy but accomplishing nothing
Or rather a paradox
Running around a hamster wheel yet going no where

The inability to control
The racing of the brain
Travels to the heart and soul
And sadly drives me insane

Living a life of contradictions
As well as constant uncertainty
Causes immeasurable stress
And extreme vulnerability

Change is a word that causes
Inexhaustible fear
Sends chills down my spine
And creates unimaginable tears

Fear has been the basis
For all these years
And having no one to trust
Made it prolong my tears

Unhappy and saddened
By the stress I was holding in
I decided to make a change
And try therapy again

The jail cell I was trapped in
No longer was locked
The pain I caused others
Was lessened and blocked

The world became
A much more beautiful place
Especially after I learned
To cope and no longer have my mind race

Less triggers are present
And the confidence in me is blooming
I can finally have the relationships
That I had previously been ruining

For once in my life
I feel free and happy
Continuing to work on myself
Nothing can stop me.