It's Not In Me

It's Not In Me
I know of late I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of deep gloom,
there are times I think for me there really is no room.
I get the feeling people wish I would just go away,
that's where my mind takes me in the darkness of my day.
No one understands me and I realize most probably could care less,
I'm just another face they see in this world that is a mess.
my dreams are out of reach no longer possible for me to see,
I just go on thinking it must not be meant to be my destiny.
It's not in me to quit trying when things are so far down,
I know most believe I'm nothing more than just a clown.
It's not in me to stay down when I take the fall to the ground,
when I voice an idea the response it's as if I made not a sound.
I must not be important when so many treat me like I'm not there,
maybe I'm invisible to the ones who would really care.
I seem to allow the ones in my life who leave me in the rain,
so here I stand living in a world full of nothing but pain.
I no longer care to do anything but just exist through the day,
get up go to work go home to sleep and just waste away.
yet I know I won't do that because something inside drives me on,
I'll keep trucking on hoping one day all the pain will be gone.
It's not in me to allow people to think I'm a stepping stone,
If I must I will go on the rest of my life all alone.
I no longer trust anyone to allow them a place in my life,
Once the divorce is final I'll no longer seek a wife.
written by Donald James Kirby Von Koehler 11-24-2013