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I am free

Breanna Highley 1995 (Illinois)

look into my eyes
what do you see?
a beat up, watered down
version of me?
do you see the hurt?
do you feel my pain?
why did you do it?
what did you gain?
is there an ounce of remorse?
do you feel bad at all?
didnt you hear me cry?
didnt you see me bawl?
you shoved your fist in me
a tear slid down my face
I wanted to turn you in
you're a fucking disgrace
you absolutely disgust me
you made me bleed
there wasnt a tear in your eye
only a smirk of greed
it didnt stop there did it?
that just wasnt enough
you tried to bullshit your way out
but I finally called your bluff
you knew I was leaving
taking our son with me too
is that why you forced open my legs
and shoved your dick through?
had to kill me one last time
had to make sure you still had control
I wailed this time begging you to stop
but you were so cruel
you smiled and kept going
had to finish me off
might as well put a gun to my head
one final shot
if only that were the end
instead you still torture me
making it hard to realize
I'm not with you, I am free
what did I do to you
to deserve wounds so deep
I cant even escape you
you haunt me in my sleep
you are a monster
not like you even care
I just want to close my eyes
and fucking disappear
isnt that the only way
you will fucking stop
go ahead motherfucker
take your best shot
you may see me fall
but you will never see me break
the stronger I get
the more hits I can take
some day I will be untouchable
you will no longer f*ck with me
everyday i will remind myself
i am not with you mark, i am free.
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Submitted on January 29, 2021

1:38 min read
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Breanna Highley

I am a 25 year old woman who uses poetry as a means to cope. Three years ago, the man I was with sexually assaulted and raped me. You may ask... How does this happen while you are together? Well we had discussed what we were comfortable with and not comfortable with in the bedroom. I was no comfortable with fisting which is something he wanted to do. So one night he decided to finger me.... Then kept adding more fingers.... I said no.. i said ow... I said stop... And i tried to move his hand but he kept doing it. So i told him after not to touch me ever again and i stayed living with him until i could find a place to live on my own. I slept in the same bed with him, clothed. I thought he had learned his lesson by losing me. A week or two had passed and I woke up to him on top of me. He then proceeded to hold me down, pull my panties to the side, and rape me. This is my poem to cope. I did not report him because we share a son together. I regret that decision every single day. I didn't want to have to explain to my son why his daddy wasn't around anymore. more…

All Breanna Highley poems | Breanna Highley Books

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    "I am free" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 18 Jun 2021. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/61194/i-am-free>.

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