Cheating and losing

How's your high horse?
Must be nice.
I'm on my way to 6ft under.
Cast asunder by my friends

Because I fucked up.

I can look you in the eyes and realise
I'm in the wrong
But your body and your movement
Hold my gaze a beat too long.

And by that time, I'm the bad guy.
I'm depressed because he's right;
I couldn't say no when it started that night.

And now I'm hollow all the time
Mostly when I'm with my friends
Because the truth tears at my insides
And the silence makes me nervous.

They all know.
People know.
It's on my face.
I'm screaming it.

It's tearing me apart.