Loss

Having lost, and never been loved. So much loss. Loss of time. Loss of memories. Loss of friends. Loss of time and memories with friends. Family, well, I cant call that a loss. Ive truly never had one. Shoved aside and forgotten about, time after time. I guess I deserved it in one way or another. Regardless of all of the loss, I tried. I loved. I missed them. I cared for them. So much so, that now, im at a loss. Another loss. I have nothing left. Empty. Drained. Tired. Weak. My heart is still beating but it has nothing left for anyone. I can feel another loss coming. I dream about it often. Its a loss I want. Like finally being able to feel again. Feel something other than loss. Because with this loss will come peace, clarity, new beginnings. I guess you could call this loss a win. I could finally win. Breathe. Smile. Laugh. Forget. Maybe even fly! And although this loss may leave behind pain, I will be completely unaware. Blissful. And I will wait for the ones I thought once loved me to join me. And my heart will be strong enough to love and care for them again. So I sit patiently and wait for the loss, that will be my last.
Nancy Jeanmard
01-22-2021