Diagonal

I'm doing good, I guess.
My life is going great! - I think?
Everything is going my way and I am, happy?
I like the cards that I have been dealt, kind of?
It's definitely not bad. It's good?
It's not in between its just not, that.
Everything is what I could have asked for when I asked, and yet, I'm happy-ish.
I don't know what I'm doing wrong, if I'm doing something wrong, is it me?
Is it you?
Is it school?
Is it just me?
Is it friends?
Is it family?
Is it stress?
Is it me?
Am I just? - not broken but, crooked.
Like I was installed not with a crack but, backwards.
Like I have a missing piece.
Or a extra one.
I don't think I know what pieces I have.
Or should have?
Am I upside down?
Inside out?
Flipped?
Or just in between?
It's like everyone else has a instruction manual, on how to build themselves, or they don't, but at least they can pretend.
I've tried so long to pretend.
To act like I have the neat pieces of paper that have the way your parts fit together, and to have the sheet of the pre-made stickers that make all the imperfections go away, for a time.
But I'm slipping…
Like I'm not empty…  but hollow.
Is empty the same as hollow?
Like not devoid of emotion, just constantly bored.
Like I have grown not up but down. Not even down but just diagonally.
Like I can feel the waves and feel the way I am supposed to be swiming, but I just… don't swim.
I don't sink, I just… float.
While all the others are swimming away.
It doesn't feel wrong, just not right?
At this point I'm not sure I want right… not anymore.
If right is not what I can have then…
I guess I'll have to settle for not wrong.