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I sit with you in my heart

And so it seems I am a hospice worker

Something between us is dying

You are not here with me but I am grieving the loss all the same

This is my work to do, pre-emptively letting go

Letting go of how I wished things had been

Letting go of the "you" I wanted you to be

That was not fair of me and I am sorry that I had such trouble accepting you as you were

I love you mom

I thank you for what you gave me and also for what you failed to give

I am spinning it all into gold, becoming a powerful, creative soul

My therapist told me that my mom is lucky to have a son like me

I believed her and I smiled in my heart for two weeks at the thought and sentiment of it

You never became the mother that I thought I wanted

But you were exactly the mother that I needed in order to be the wonderful boy and great man that I am turning out to be

I did not say goodbye to you because as you always told me as a boy, "It's not goodbye", It's "see you later"

That felt like abandonment and bullshit at that time

And honestly, I feel like I have abandoned you now

Not out of revenge, those feelings have gone

It is a basic instinct, self-preservation

One day you will understand

My soul will embrace your soul

All will be well and good, having served our spiritual contracts

We shall be at peace
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Submitted by bakerbaker1976! on January 08, 2021

1:20 min read
18 Views

Daniel Millard

I have always loved the written word and expressing my truest and highest self. I love books. I love nature and simplicity. My deepest passion is self-love, growth, spiritual journey, and opening my heart to the world. more…

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1 Comment

  • Rachael
    The longer I live, the more I think that this is one of our most common experiences: having the parents we needed for our soul's growth, not the parents we thought we wanted. Painful, familiar, ultimately liberating. 
    LikeReplyReport8 months ago

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"I sit with you in my heart" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 26 Sep. 2021. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/60046/i-sit-with-you-in-my-heart>.

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