Hear me out

At times real life dilemmas can make it so hard to cope. In times of peril even a true believer can lose all hope. I can't sleep for 35 years I been having the same dreams. That means for 35 years I've been hearing the same screams. A crazy man is sane in his own mind. Hopeless and focus at the same time. Even in the darkest of nights somewhere the Sun still shines. When that spontaneous depression kicks in your thinking ain't right. You lose that will to live and don't care if you make it through the night. "BOOM" just like that it'll disappear. Your focus is back clear tellin yourself in your heart. Emotionally you'll never let your thoughts take your back there. Help me please father God. I give you all praises. I just want to defy the odds. How can my gift be my curse. If I'm not thinking about laying in a coffin. Then I'm visualizing being driven in a hearse. When you're antisocial who do you call?  In the house for months just staring at the wall