I Hope The Hate Of The World Doesn’t Kill Me

I hope the hate of the world doesn’t kill me
I'm talking to you( looking in the mirror)
And i don't want anyone pretending to know everything that I’ve been through
It's a shame the way I feel, and I’ve sinned too
It's pain that I feel, It’s something I always go through
Nobody knows my story and we are nothing alike
So let me tell y’all my story for a minute, while I’m writing

I was 14 when i first tried to take myself out
At the time it felt like my options had run out
So i put that knife to my wrist and I slit my wrist halfway
I tried to muster up the courage to put myself away that day
But halfway with that knife in my skin, i stopped
Tears flooded my eyes and the knife dropped
And i sat in my room and i sobbed for an hour
On the outside i was fine on the inside I felt like a coward

The noise of my depression had gotten louder and louder
I had planned a way out in my bathtub as I took a shower
I've been lied to just like I’ve being lied to now
Other people can't help me cause they don’t know how
Because no ones walked in my shoes when i've been at my lowest
So if you didn’t know me before, know this

I used to tell myself that I’m gonna kill myself and I was close to doing it
But Yahuah meet me in the middle of my hopelessness
Yahuah gave me a way out of my feelings of doubt
And the sounds of chaos be reverberating around me like heavy metal

But confusion isn't from Yahuah it's straight from the devil
And he silenced the noise and brung peace to me
Because I asked him and he saw me through
I use to go to that dark place because I tried fighting my own fight
And where did that get me?
Except contemplating about taking my own life

And I got bullied to this point
I really hate that I went through that
But Yahuah took those hateful words
From my attackers and sent them back
I am not defined by what people say about me
Yahuah picks me up when I don't know how to

I’m not alone, I’ve got a friend in Yahuah
I got better days ahead of me,
Am happy that I can finally begin to see
I now know that everything the devil did to me he wants you to replay
But everything the devil took from me Yahuah will replace
I listen to Yahuah now, I look him right in the face
I were created for more than to die in this place

I won’t do it, I won’t let the hate of the world take my life
I’ll just take Yahuah hand while he make things right
I now know that if i had went through with it I would’ve regretted it
I would wake up in eternity,
And I would wish so bad that I could just go back
But Yahuah is here for me right now, and now I know that
And if you think you're alone in this fight, you've been lied to
That depression came after me and i nearly died

I thought suicide was the only way and death was meant for me
The devil played his music and i sat front row through that symphony
I walked through the fire and i felt that heat but i pushed past
the devil and all my demons and i stood to my feet
I walked out and i refuse to look back
I took my depression and threw it right back, into the devils face
And that fire have blazed 50 feet high
And now i plan on leaving a legacy to look back on some day when i die

And right now i'm finally standing up on my own two,
Because deep down inside I now know that It's the right thing for me to do
I think about my family,
I think about me
I won’t let the hate of the world kill me,
I won’t let it do it
Whatever you're facing Yahuah will see me through it

I had a sister that got killed a weekend after I talked and hung out with her
It made me depressed and ask Yahuah if I could meet him
For years that depression would beat me,
I didn’t know how to move on knowing I would again see her

And i wish right now i could fly up to heaven
And somehow convince her not to go to her army base the day that she did
I wish i could change it but I just felt defeated
I wish i could lock my arms around her and save her to keep her from leaving
But i can't reach her even though iI’d do my best to try

I used to believe the lie that it's just best for me to die
And I thought that it was my simple way out
But If I would have went through with it the I wouldn’t have been here to see the way things play out
I wouldn’t see the hurt that I would’ve caused,
the pain that I would have left
So now I take this seriously this isn't a game to me
Even thinking about ending my life is living dangerously
So I’ll just listen to Yahuah voice,
Because I have a choice
I can choose life or I can get drowned by the noise

So I won’t don't do it, I’ll ask Yahuah for help
Even if I don’t do it for my family, I’ll do it for myself