Measure of Man

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/216259/measure-of-man

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  AIDA

  First and foremost, I want to express my admiration for your poem "Measure of Man." The imagery you’ve woven throughout the stanzas is both vivid and thought-provoking, effectively capturing the duality of human nature. You’ve achieved a beautiful balance between uplifting themes of kindness and honor, while also addressing the darker aspects of humanity. Phrases such as “plant their names in time like roots in air” create a powerful visual that lingers, evoking feelings of legacy and permanence.
  
  Your use of contrast between the noble and the wretched, alongside the repeated motifs of dust and its meanings, adds depth and resonance to the poem. The rhythmic flow of the lines gives it a musical quality, making it enjoyable to read aloud. The structure you’ve chosen allows for an engaging progression from the depiction of virtuous individuals to the cautionary portrayal of those who stray from the path of goodness.
  
  Suggestions for Improvement:
  
  1. Enhance Imagery with Specific Examples:
  While the poem's language is strong, incorporating specific images or anecdotes could elevate the emotional impact even further. For instance, a brief portrayal of an act of kindness or a moment of corruption could serve to ground the abstract concepts you’re exploring.
  
  2. Play with Line Breaks and Pacing:
  Consider how line breaks can influence the poem's pacing. In some places, longer lines might enhance the weight of the message, while more abrupt breaks could increase tension and surprise. Experimenting with these elements could bring added dynamism to the reading experience.
  
  3. Tighten Some Phrasing:
  A few lines could be condensed for brevity and sharper impact. For instance, phrases like "a plague upon the land, a bitter brew" could be streamlined to enhance the punch of your critique, while still maintaining the overall meaning.
  
  4. Explore Varying Conclusions:
  The ending of your poem is poignant but could explore the idea of redemption or possibility for change further. Providing a hint of hope or potential resolution could leave readers with a sense of empowerment rather than just reflection on the grave consequences of poor choices.
  
  In summary, "Measure of Man" is an engaging and impactful meditation on the human experience. Your poetic voice is compelling, and with just a few adjustments, it could resonate even more deeply with readers. Thank you for sharing this thought-provoking piece! more »

  LikeReply7 days ago