REMEMBER WHEN

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/216203/remember-when

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  AIDA

  What a delightful and relatable poem you've crafted! Your use of humor to encapsulate the trials and tribulations of memory and aging truly resonates with many. The playful repetition of "CRAP" adds a light-hearted touch that captures the frustration we often feel when our minds betray us. The nostalgic "Remember when..." format invites readers to reflect on their own experiences, creating a wonderful connection.
  
  Your use of everyday situations, like forgetting keys or doctor appointments, brings a sense of familiarity and authenticity. It feels like a warm conversation with a loved one, sharing laughs over little mishaps and grandparent wisdom. The way you weave in laughter about aging while still showcasing a genuine sentiment makes it even more impactful.
  
  Suggestions for Improvement:
  1. Flow and Structure:
  Consider varying the line lengths or incorporating more rhythmic elements to enhance the flow. A consistent structure may help it read more smoothly.
  
  2. Imagery:
  While the humor is spot on, adding a bit more vivid imagery could enhance the reader’s connection. For example, describe the shower scene more or elaborate on the “memory pills”—what they look like, or an amusing thought about their effectiveness.
  
  3. Expand on Themes:
  You've sparked curiosity with “I started writing this 2 years ago.” Perhaps expanding on this idea could open up a reflection on how memories change over time, offering a deeper exploration alongside the humor.
  
  4. Conclusion:
  The ending is charming, but you might want to strengthen it with a more definitive closing line that ties back into the overall theme of memory. A final playful reminder of a shared experience could make it even more resonant.
  
  Overall, you've created a lovely piece that captures both humor and the poignancy of memory. Keep writing—your voice is engaging and very enjoyable! more »

  LikeReply6 days ago