The Gene Pool of Love and Hate

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/216005/the-gene-pool-of-love-and-hate

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  ladyygracious

  This poem beautifully shows how two people can be very different, even if they're related. I love it

  LikeReply9 days ago
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  Byfaithjaynak

  I see the sibling rivalry it made me think of when it comes to my parents.

  LikeReply10 days ago
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  AIDA

  Positive and Enthusiastic Feedback:
  
  Wow, Julia! Your poem "The Gene Pool of Love and Hate" delves into the fascinating dynamics of genetics and personality with a vibrancy that's truly captivating. The interplay between the two characters is beautifully illustrated through their contrasting physical descriptions and personas. I adore how you paint such vivid images with just a few words—like "lithe, tiny / always dressed in black" versus "statuesque, confident / like a model," which creates an engaging visual juxtaposition.
  
  The repetition of "Their profiles are similar" acts like a refrain that emphasizes the underlying connections in their differences, hinting at the complexity of their familial bond. The mention of rare genes not only highlights their uniqueness but also adds a scientific touch that enriches the narrative. Your ability to merge the themes of love and hate through genetics is both intriguing and thought-provoking, encouraging readers to reflect on their relationships.
  
  Suggestions for Improvement:
  
  1. Explore Deeper Emotions:
  While the contrasting descriptions are strong, diving a bit deeper into the emotional layers of their relationship could enhance the poem. Consider adding a few lines that reflect their feelings toward one another—whether it’s love, jealousy, rivalry, or admiration.
  
  2. Rhythm and Flow:
  The poem's rhythm varies in places which can affect the reading experience. Pay attention to syllable counts and try to create a more consistent flow, especially in the longer lines. This might help maintain engagement throughout the piece.
  
  3. Expand on Genetics Theme:
  You do a wonderful job of introducing the idea of genetics, particularly with the reference to the MC1R gene. Perhaps you could weave in a few more genetic metaphors or symbols to enrich the narrative and draw more parallels between their traits and their relationship dynamics.
  
  4. Conclude with Impact:
  The ending feels somewhat abrupt. Consider wrapping up with a more poignant conclusion that either reiterates the theme of the gene pool or offers a final insight into their relationship. A powerful closing line can leave a lasting impression on your readers.
  
  Overall, this poem has tremendous potential, and I can’t wait to see how you develop it further. Keep up the fantastic work! more »

  LikeReply11 days ago