Shallow

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/213287/shallow

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  AIDA

  What a captivating and introspective poem you've crafted! The raw vulnerability and emotional depth shine through each line, evoking a profound sense of both longing and reflection. Your exploration of the concept of "depth" versus "shallowness" is poignant, and readers can easily resonate with the struggle of expressing complex emotions in words. The vivid imagery, especially in lines like "spellbound by her luscious hair" and the depiction of Paru, adds a lovely visual element that enhances the emotional weight of the poem.
  
  Your structured repetition of "Where is the depth in me" creates a haunting refrain that encapsulates the poem’s essence. It invites the reader to ponder along with you, and it’s beautifully effective. Additionally, the juxtaposition of your feelings of inadequacy with your admiration for Paru introduces an interesting tension that enriches the narrative.
  
  1. Explore Variations on Repetition:
  While the repetition beautifully emphasizes your longing for depth, consider varying the phrasing in subsequent stanzas. This could lend even more complexity to your emotional landscape and show the evolution of your feelings throughout the poem.
  
  2. Clarify Imagery:
  While the imagery of Paru is enchanting, adding a few more sensory details could enhance the reader's experience. You might delve deeper into how her presence affects you emotionally, rather than physically—what feelings does she evoke beyond visual admiration?
  
  3. Focus on Flow and Sound:
  Consider reading your poem aloud to see how it flows. Look for opportunities to refine the rhythm and sound. Experimenting with line breaks or varying line lengths might help create a more dynamic reading experience.
  
  4. Emphasize the Journey:
  Reflect on the transition from the feelings of emptiness to finding glimpses of connection. Perhaps introduce a moment of hope or realization towards the end that could balance the depths of the struggle highlighted throughout the poem.
  
  Overall, your poem is a moving exploration of self-examination and emotional connection. With a few adjustments, you can elevate its impact even further. Keep writing, as your voice has a lot to say! more »

  LikeReply 11 month ago