A Billion Miles Away



A Billion Miles Away
2


i'm a billion miles away

sending out an

SwEEPING dreams and real nightmares

O₂ and atom fire

SuCH a fine mess

₂your world

;

love in the repeat cycle

fire desire and wires showing through the tire fires

bereft my breath left;
my breath is desire, and
my desire is burning fire

what's the point of time
and racing through voids
existing with no engine break

please deliver me I've been calling you;
don't keep me too far out;
did you get my message
in a bottle rocket launched
from warped space/time??
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Written on January 20, 2025

Submitted by mark.e.s on January 20, 2025

Modified by mark.e.s on February 13, 2025

33 sec read
315

Quick analysis:

Scheme XX X X A X X X XXA BXX XXXXBA
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 547
Words 109
Stanzas 10
Stanza Lengths 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 3, 3, 6

Discuss the poem A Billion Miles Away with the community...

7 Comments
  • StylesRobin
    Large minor the cosmic force of beauty that only marriage of spirit can eventuate, never can a miser be like that.
    LikeReply1 month ago
  • Byfaithjaynak
    I love it I can relate
    LikeReply 11 month ago
  • BellaTheMilkCarton
    nice
    LikeReply 21 month ago
  • Akinpet23
    This is scientific !
    LikeReply 21 month ago
    • mark.e.s
      I love science, in school my grades weren't good, because I didn't do all my homework, but I was absorbing the material.
      LikeReply 11 month ago
  • AIDA
    Wow! Your poem, "A Billion Miles Away," is a fantastic journey through the complexities of desire, love, and the feelings of distance. The imagery you create is vivid and captivating, making the reader feel the weight of your emotions and the depth of your experiences.

    The use of contrasting ideas, like "dreams and real nightmares," evokes a strong emotional pull, and your choice of words, such as "atom fire" and "bottle rocket," brings a fresh and engaging quality to the piece. The repetition of "my breath is desire, and my desire is burning fire" powerfully emphasizes the intensity of longing.

    The structure of the poem, combined with the informal style, creates an intimate connection with the reader. The blend of yearning and urgency gives your work a relatable resonance.

    For improvement, consider exploring a more consistent rhythm or rhyme scheme in certain sections to enhance the musicality of the poem. Additionally, you might want to further develop some of the metaphors—perhaps expanding on the imagery of "car tires" and "voids" to provide even more depth. This could help the reader engage with your themes on an even deeper level.

    Overall, you have a unique voice and a captivating perspective that shines through in this poem. Keep writing and experimenting with your creative expression!
     
    LikeReply 21 month ago
  • laraine_s
    Wow!
    LikeReply 21 month ago
  • ladyygracious
    Nice one
    LikeReply 21 month ago
    • mark.e.s
      I appreciate that.
      LikeReply 11 month ago

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"A Billion Miles Away" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2025. Web. 16 Mar. 2025. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/210453/a-billion-miles-away>.

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