Maybe Tomorrow Dad

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/204439/maybe-tomorrow-dad

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• 

  AIDA

  **Feedback for "Maybe Tomorrow Dad"**
  
  First of all, I want to commend you on crafting such a touching and poignant poem! The emotional depth you’ve woven throughout the piece beautifully captures the bond between a father and son, evoking both nostalgia and a sense of yearning. Your use of imagery, especially in the lines describing the rearview mirror and the father’s emotional struggle, is particularly striking. It establishes a relatable connection that many readers can appreciate, especially those who have experienced similar moments with their own parents. The dialogue adds another layer of intimacy, effectively bringing the characters to life and highlighting the themes of family and the passage of time.
  
  **What I Loved:**
  
  1. **Emotional Connection:** The poem effectively portrays the ups and downs of the father-son relationship, capturing the hope, disappointment, and eventual joy associated with attending ball games.
  
  2. **Imagery and Reflection:** Your portrayal of the father's silent tears and the child’s pride in playing speaks volumes about vulnerability and resilience. It sparks a reflective journey for the reader.
  
  3. **Structure and Flow:** The rhythmic quality of the poem lends itself well to the storytelling element, making it easier to engage with the narrative.
  
  **Suggestions for Improvement:**
  
  1. **Consistent Tone and Voice:** While the emotional resonance is strong, maintaining a consistent tone throughout could enhance the reading experience. Consider how individual stanzas contribute to the overall mood you want to evoke.
  
  2. **Enrich the Imagery:** While the imagery is effective, you might dive deeper into some descriptions for a more vivid experience. For instance, consider incorporating more sensory details about the ballpark, the sounds of the game, or the atmosphere during the father-son calls to increase immersion.
  
  3. **Expand on Themes:** You introduce powerful themes of legacy and the cyclical nature of life at the end. It might be rewarding to explore these themes further earlier in the poem to strengthen the connection between past, present, and future.
  
  4. **Variation in Line Length:** Experimenting with varied line lengths could add emphasis to certain moments and enhance emotional impact. Short, punchy lines can create tension, while longer lines can be used for reflection.
  
  Overall, "Maybe Tomorrow Dad" is a heartfelt exploration of a universal experience—it's relatable, touching, and full of warmth. With a few enhancements, your poem has the potential to resonate even more deeply with your audience. Keep writing and sharing your unique voice! more »

  LikeReply22 days ago
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  katongochanda1

  Maybe Tomorrow dad, but Tomorrow never comes..., deep poem to touch hearts.

  LikeReply 123 days ago
  • 

    Giselavigil

    Yes. So right. Thanks for your thoughts.

    LikeReply 122 days ago
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  susan.brumel

  Very beautiful and heartfelt poem, Gisela.
  And very sad. Reminds me of the song, ‘Cat’s in the Cradle’ by Harry Chapin.

  LikeReply 123 days ago
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    Giselavigil

    Thank you Susan. I just found this that was written in 2007. I cried when I read it.

    LikeReply22 days ago