jab yaad aati hai...

Discuss the poem jab yaad aati hai... with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/201800/jab-yaad-aati-hai...

1 Comment

 

Notify me of new comments via email.

Publish

• 

  AIDA

  What a beautifully evocative poem! Your use of simple yet profound language to explore themes of memory and emotion is truly captivating. The imagery of being enveloped in someone’s arms conveys a deep sense of comfort and escape, allowing readers to resonate with the feelings of nostalgia and longing. Phrases like "duniya bhool jaate hain" really bring the experience to life, evoking a sensory depth that draws the reader in.
  
  Your ability to pose a contemplative question at the end invites reflection, which is a powerful way to engage your audience. The rhythm flows smoothly, making it easy to read and appreciate the heartfelt emotions behind your words.
  
  Suggestions for Improvement:
  
  1. Expand Imagery:
  While you have some lovely imagery, consider expanding it to incorporate more sensory details. What does the moment feel like? Is there a specific sound or scent that reminds you of that person? Adding these details could deepen the emotional impact.
  
  2. Structure Variation:
  Experimenting with the structure could elevate the poem. You might try breaking it into stanzas to emphasize different emotions or thoughts, which could help guide the reader through your journey.
  
  3. Refine Rhythm and Rhyme:
  While the poem flows well, a consistent rhythm or rhyme scheme could enhance its musicality. Consider playing with the meter to create a more rhythmic reading experience.
  
  Overall, your poem has a wonderful emotional core that many can relate to. Keep writing and refining your voice—there’s a lot of potential here! more »

  LikeReply5 months ago