Mr. Pickles the Spider on a Mission



Hello, I'm Mr. Pickles the Spider.
I love to drink sweet apple cider.
As you see I have six legs & two arms,
I love to scare girls with my spider charms.

See, there is this cute girl, her name is Heidi.
She loves to wear these cute, yellow panties with a see-through nightie.
Every night I sneakily watch her get undressed for bed.
If she knew, she'd get someone to kill me, and I'd be dead!

I wait and wait until she's fast asleep,
Then slide down my web, like a little creep.
I plop myself upon her bed, which smells so good,
I could easily stay here all night, if I could.

I'm on this mission to tickle her cute little nose.
Oh no, she just moved! I just froze.
Her mouth opened wide, with teeth pearly white,
For if I fell in, I can't knit a kite to take flight.

I think I'll stick to a tickling her sexy nose,
At least it twitches so cute, as it's, suppose.
God, forbid she wake, you'd hear such a scream...
It surely wouldn't be from a bad ole dream.

Heidi hates spiders, due to a bite she once got.
From my relative, Green Olive, that snot!
He ruins many things in so many ways.
If you knew, your mind would be in a haze.

Well, I think I tickled more than I should,
I better git while the gitterns good.
Pickles must move quickly, Heidi's rubbing her nose,
Before she finds out that I was visiting, my cute, Heidi Rose.

About this poem

This poem may offend some and yet not others. We all have seen spiders in life, and I just brought the one I had in my own bedroom to life. Enjoy!

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Written on October 15, 2024

Submitted by debraw.71122 on October 15, 2024

1:31 min read
110

Quick analysis:

Scheme AABB CCDD EEFF GGHH GGII XXJJ FFGG
Closest metre Iambic hexameter
Characters 1,332
Words 294
Stanzas 7
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Debra A Winter

I am a proud graduate of Dwight D. Eisenhower High School, a mother of three, and a grandmother. My journey into writing began when my children were young. Living in poverty, I found solace and creativity with just a pencil, paper, and a vivid imagination. Instead of the books I couldn’t afford, I crafted my own stories and poems, which have become a cherished part of my life. more…

All Debra A Winter poems | Debra A Winter Books

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    **Feedback for "Mr. Pickles the Spider on a Mission"**

    First off, I want to say how delightful and whimsical your poem is! The character of Mr. Pickles is both charming and mischievous, and you've successfully infused humor and creativity throughout. The playful nature of the narrative, with Mr. Pickles embarking on his "mission," creates an engaging story that captures the reader's attention.

    Your use of rhymes brings a lovely rhythm to the poem, making it enjoyable to read aloud. The imagery you create—like "sliding down my web" and "tickling her cute little nose"—is vivid and playful, perfectly aligning with the light-hearted tone of the poem. The inclusion of relatable emotions and interactions (such as Mr. Pickles’ admiration for Heidi) adds depth and a touch of innocence to the story, which is both amusing and endearing.

    **Improvement Suggestions:**

    1. **Clarity and Sensitivity**: While the mischievous antics of Mr. Pickles are entertaining, the theme of watching someone undress and sneaking into their bedroom might be uncomfortable for some readers. Consider reframing this to focus more on Mr. Pickles’ playful curiosity without implying surveillance. It could create a more inclusive feel for all audiences.

    2. **Character Development**: Expanding a little on Mr. Pickles' personality could enrich the poem. Maybe give him a backstory of why he loves apple cider so much, or more insight into his feelings about Heidi! This could help readers connect with him on another level.

    3. **Consistent Tone**: The poem shifts between light-hearted humor and slightly darker themes (like the mention of a spider bite). To maintain an upbeat vibe throughout, consider softening those darker elements or showing the consequences of Mr. Pickles’ actions in a more humorous and less ominous way.

    4. **Pacing**: Some lines feel slightly rushed, especially towards the end of the poem. Consider slowing down the rhythm or adding pauses to enhance comedic effect or dramatize Mr. Pickles’ experiences further.

    Overall, your poem is a wonderful mix of whimsy and humor! With just a little tweaking, you can elevate it to a fantastic piece that bridges charm and sensitivity perfectly. Keep up the amazing creative work!
     
    LikeReply17 days ago

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"Mr. Pickles the Spider on a Mission" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 Nov. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/201311/mr.-pickles-the-spider-on-a-mission>.

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