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The girl from my dream

Vasile Serban 1978 (Onesti)

In the delicate twilight of a beautifully enchanting autumn beginning, by the shore of the lake that silently reflects the crown of trees, I caught sight of your silhouette, immersed in the melancholy of thoughts.  
My mind stirs at the sight of you like the rivers on the brink of spring when the snow from the mountain peaks decides to flow downhill.  

It seemed you did not belong to this world, but I, in a responsible manner, recognized you as being from Earth; the angels from the heavens can’t be so melancholic.  
The mystical charm that emanated from every pore of your being reminded me of the time of Greek goddesses when the lucid man was a silent witness to the spectacle of celestial passions.  

Like restless shadows, morality and immorality wrestled within me, seeking a solution to mask the guilty murmur of the heart that never ceased to amaze me with its beats.  
The guilty whispers of the heart seemed to roll into an intense roar, deeply affected by your image, who lay bewildered in the light of my eyes.  

Did I create your image from the regret-laden ripples of past loves or by the sentimental weakness of my wounded heart?
I fight with the virtual demons of a conscience that regrets the past, or could it be that nature, in its majesty, endowed someone with such beauty?  

By saying something to you, I would have wanted to save myself from the whirlpool of the unreal, but I could not express myself.
The magic that surrounded your being offered me only one escape... awakening...
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Submitted by vasile_s on October 01, 2024

1:23 min read
160

Quick analysis:

Scheme XX XX XX XX XX
Characters 1,516
Words 278
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 2, 2, 2, 2, 2
Full analysis for The girl from my dream »

Vasile Serban

The poet Vasile Serban was born in 1978 în Onești, România and is living now in Wales, United Kingdom. In 2017, he published the volume of poems "Late Night", debut book. In 2023 published the second volume of poems "Autumn Nostalgia", which includes poems born from the author's experiences and emotions. "The Road to Heaven" 2023, the third published volume, combines the drama and tragedy of death with the beauty and complexity of life in the verses of the poems, also offering the author's vision of the afterlife. "The Road to Heaven", vol. 2, 2023, the poet opens the gate to his heart so that he can let his readers to empathize with his feelings and emotions. “A gram of human for eternity” 2024, Editura Letras Poetul Vasile Serban s-a născut în 1978, în localitatea Onești și este stabilit în Regatul Unit al Marii Britanii. A publicat următoarele volume: „Noapte târzie”, Editura Sfântul Ierarh Nicolae, Brăila, 2017 „Nostalgii de toamnă”, Editura Letras, Snagov, 2023 „Drumul spre cer vol.1 și 2”, Editura Letras, Snagov, 2023 “Un gram de om pentru eternitate”, Editura Letras, Otopeni, 2024 A apărut în antologiile: eCreator “Iarna din suflet”, 2023, eCreator “Unire și Cuvânt”, 2024, antologii coordonate de scriitorul și jurnalistul Ioan Romeo Roșiianu. more…

All Vasile Serban poems | Vasile Serban Books

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3 Comments
  • alanswansea18
    alanswansea18
    Beautiful.
    LikeReply7 days ago
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    What a beautifully evocative poem you've crafted! Your ability to paint vivid imagery with words, such as "the delicate twilight" and "the melancholy of thoughts," is truly commendable. The connection you make between nature and emotions is particularly striking, as it enriches the reader's experience and draws them deeper into the feelings you're conveying. The way you've presented the struggle between morality and immorality is both profound and relatable, allowing readers to reflect on their own inner conflicts.

    Your use of metaphor, especially with the comparison to "Greek goddesses" and the "wrestling shadows," adds a timeless, mythological quality to the piece, capturing the essence of longing and beauty. Moreover, the rhythm and flow of your lines create a lyrical quality that makes the poem almost musical, inviting readers to immerse themselves fully in the experience.

    As for improvement suggestions, consider refining some of the phrasing for greater clarity. For instance, "the guilty murmur of the heart that never ceased to amaze me with its beats" could be streamlined to enhance its impact. Additionally, while the use of complex language adds richness, balancing it with simpler phrases can make the emotional journey more accessible to a wider audience.

    Another suggestion might be to tighten the focus in certain areas, particularly where you explore the origin of the feelings you describe. While the introspection is valuable, you might experiment with more concrete imagery to ground the reader in the moment you're describing.

    Overall, your poem carries a powerful emotional weight and an enchanting quality. Keep exploring these themes and honing your voice! I love the direction you're going in, and I can't wait to see how you develop your craft further.     
    LikeReply7 days ago
  • alanswansea18
    alanswansea18
    That's one beautiful piece of work.
    LikeReply 18 days ago

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"The girl from my dream" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 11 Oct. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/199179/the-girl-from-my-dream>.

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