AS SOMEONE GETTING READY TO LEAVE..

Many times I no longer look into the screaming depths of curved mirrors, because my inner self is upset; I am sad and totally surprised at the same time. Sanda, absurdity, nonsense were packed into Korba, and the Gods left me completely to myself. I know that I don't have any rights at all - if I had them and could have any at all - at the moment. It was as if the Iron Curtain had come down again and that the situation in the West had not changed.

Maybe I can't go out anymore, and I can't leave the wasteland, where things are not allowed to change - but the paradise state of arrogant, peasant jerks, brainwashed idiots to the core is the new trans-chic state. My identity is still European. Wolf-eyed with my single-minded self-righteousness with the overtures of my middle age and where to next? with your questions. I know, I'm not sure I can get close to the safe surface anymore.

I travel on escalators between the upper world and the barely livable Hyena states above, and I can no longer really know if there could be anyone else in whom I can faithfully trust. I am most active in the opposite direction in the mornings, since when the restless gloomy night falls, I become an inward-looking Aggastya, who crawls back behind his own nook and cranny.

Everywhere I stumble into the fierce crossfire of more and more demanding and questioning glances: How can I start a dignified, new life at the age of 40, if I've finally had enough?! I'm still listening to the latest biographical podcasts: "If I understood your words correctly, when you started your career, did you live your twenties in dark despair?! - the reporter asks his well-deserved experimental subject. "Well, yes, but no! The truth is that more and more people tried to take advantage of me on purpose, so I came to the conclusion that it would be better to choose my friends!" - answers our man with measured, objective coolness.