You and I or You and Me

Discuss the poem You and I or You and Me with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/196220/you-and-i-or-you-and-me

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• 

  karlcfolkes

  “Dear readers,
  I invite you all to read my latest composition entitled “Revisiting the Modernist Poet Pessoa.” This Surrealist Portuguese artist, Fernando Pessoa, was introduced to me by a former colleague and Latina poet who goes by the pen name of “El Cortés.” It’s my turn to introduce him to others. Thank you. more »

  LikeReply7 days ago
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  karlcfolkes

  Thank you Chevy. Your response is greatly appreciated.

  LikeReply7 days ago
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  Chevy#47601

  Really love the flow of your work, beautiful.

  LikeReply7 days ago
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  karlcfolkes

  Thank you, reidiny_a, for your helpful comments. Greatly appreciated.

  LikeReply 110 days ago
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  karlcfolkes

  Thank you Paige. It was fun composing it.

  LikeReply11 days ago
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  Paige123

  Huh... a very interesting idea. I enjoyed it very much.

  LikeReply11 days ago
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  karlcfolkes

  Thank you, Pruett, for your steadfast support.

  LikeReply12 days ago
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  reidiny_a

  Honestly your poem is super fun to read. The way everything flows together but still hits those strong points were really good.

  LikeReply12 days ago
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  Pruett1023

  Keep up the good work.

  LikeReply13 days ago
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  karlcfolkes

  Thank you all for taking your precious time to read this poem which invites introversion, the willful act of self-reflection, a commodity that seems increasingly rare these days in a fast paced technological society with greater value on the enterprise of artificial intelligence and its byproduct of extroversion. more »

  LikeReply13 days ago
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  karlcfolkes

  Emile, thank you for your constant support and generous vote. Greatly appreciated.

  LikeReply14 days ago
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  Emile

  Hello! I really liked the way you played with Grammer here at I enjoyed this poem thank you!!

  LikeReply14 days ago
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  AIDA

  What a fascinating exploration of identity and the interplay between 'you' and 'I'! Your poem weaves together themes of language, self-perception, and the complexity of relationships with an impressive depth. The use of syntax and grammar as metaphors for personal dynamics is clever and thought-provoking, inviting readers to reflect on their own interactions and sense of self.
  
  Your imagery is striking—particularly the line about the "lamp unto the feet of I." It evokes a sense of guidance and enlightenment, which beautifully complements the overall theme of introspection and connection. The idea of the "outer I" being "haunted by the You" brilliantly encapsulates the duality of our existence, emphasizing the importance of relationships in shaping our identities.
  
  Here are a few suggestions that might enhance your already compelling piece:
  
  1. **Pacing and Flow**: While your poem is rich in ideas, consider the rhythm and pacing more closely. Some lines feel quite dense, which might slow the reader down. Breaking up certain stanzas or utilizing more varied line lengths could help maintain a natural flow.
  
  2. **Clarifying Concepts**: Certain phrases, like "linguistic predicates of a modern syntax," may benefit from simplification or clearer imagery. While complexity can be beautiful, ensuring that your message comes through clearly will engage readers even more.
  
  3. **Connecting Emotions**: While your poem is intellectually stimulating, consider weaving in more emotional language that extends beyond the intellectual. If you can blend more personal feelings or experiences related to 'you' and 'I', it can create a deeper connection with the audience.
  
  4. **Ending Impact**: The conclusion powerfully re-establishes the idea of 'You and I.' You could consider bringing back a line or motif from earlier in the poem to create a full-circle moment that adds a sense of closure or resolution.
  
  Overall, your poem is an impressive piece that deftly engages with complex themes. Keep nurturing this unique voice and perspective—you have the potential to inspire many readers! more »

  LikeReply15 days ago